the message of the keys

I can’t believe its already march - wow. this year has just flown by!

This past weekend, I was able to meet  up with my dad. He’s in Beijing for business this week. It was seriously surreal to be able to hug him on Saturday morning. Love it. He had a business meeting to attend on Saturday, but skipped out on part of it in the morning to spend time with me. :) We hung out at starbucks and then walked around a nearby shopping street. My Dad got a bobble head/model thing made of himself. So fun to see the crowd he attracted. Love spending time with him.  

Later on Saturday afternoon, my Dad had to be at his meeting, so I just chilled at a nearby Starbucks. Since I need to make a decision regarding whether or not I want to renew my contract for another year, I have been pursuing other options back home. I don't know where the Lord wants me this next year, but I want to be open to where He wants me. Thus, on Saturday afternoon in Starbucks, I was attempting to work on applications to other schools - but it was going so sloooowww. I had to resubmit things multiple times due to bad internet service. I couldn't even access the schools' websites…or my email….or my even Skype. Ugh. It just seemed like roadblocks. 

After I honestly realized that I had nothing else I could do besides lesson plan (and who wanted to do that?! :), I decided to journal. But then I realized I didn't even have a pen or pencil. 

Fine. I sighed in exasperation.  I'll just read my Bible. (Terrible thought process, I know.)

But while looking for my Bible in my bag, I found a note my dad had given me from my Mom. My Mom, bless her heart, wrote me a note and sent it with my Dad. She ended her note with the passage in Revelation 3: 7-13. 

7 “And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: ‘The words of the holy one, the true one, who has the key of David, who opens and no one will shut, who shuts and no one opens. 8 “‘I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut. I know that you have but little power, and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. 9 Behold, I will make those of the synagogue of Satan who say that they are Jews and are not, but lie—behold, I will make them come and bow down before your feet, and they will learn that I have loved you. 10 Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth. 11 I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown. 12 The one who conquers, I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God. Never shall he go out of it, and I will write on him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which comes down from my God out of heaven, and my own new name. 13 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’

As I read this passage, it just resonated with me. Obviously, my decision to renew my contract for another year was weighing heavily on my heart and mind (especially since I need to make a decision by the end of this month). Through reading this, I realized that I can try and try and try to leave China (or stay in China) or whatever….and ultimately, its up to the Lord. He will shut doors and open them. And try as I might to pry other doors open (or push them closed), His will will prosper. That can be either a scary or comforting thought. 

Lord God, you who hold the keys to open and shut doors…have your way in my life. I prayed within my heart. 

And then, BAM. God brought back a flood of memories from the night before.

On Friday evening, I was staying late at school working in the EK. Finally, at 9pm, I turned off the lights and closed the door of the EK.

I stuck my key in the dead-bolt lock outside the EK and turned the lock. 

And as I tried to pull my key out of lock, I could NOT get it out. I tried for 10 minutes to get my key out of the lock. I jiggled it, wiggled it, pulled it….nothing. It was completely stuck.  I could not lock this door and leave.

I wish I had one of those What are you teaching me, Lord? moments....but not exactly. Instead, I just groaned in exasperation. 

As if I don’t spend enough time here already, I laughed,  now I can’t even leave..…am i supposed to live here, too?

Finally, I humbled myself and called my friend who works in the General Affairs office. He came and attempted to pull the key out, too. No success (which actually made me feel much better that it wasn’t just because I was a girl with no strength, haha - this key was seriously stuck). 

We finally decided to leave the key in the lock - where it remained for the next few days. (which made opening the EK on Monday morning pretty easy - didn't even need to pull out my keys, haha). 

As I reflected on this experience on Saturday morning in Starbucks, my heart was just humbled. It pained me how I can be so busy and seem to miss what He might be teaching me. And it of course made me wonder.... Are you keeping this door open in the EK for a reason, Lord? 

I thought back on all the road blocks that morning. O Lord, if you want to keep this door open, You will. I can push and pull and try to shut it - but You will have your way. 

“I know your works. Behold, I have set before you and open door, which no one is able to shut. I know that you have but little power, and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name” (vs. 8). 

This was really heavy on the heart the next few days. The next Monday, my Dad came and visited my class. He shared some magic tricks with the kiddos and was a big hit. :) 

That evening, we met some of our friends for dinner. It was a huge blessing to all be together and catch up. 

Later that evening, I said goodbye to my Dad at a subway stop near his hotel. (At the time, we thought it would be the last time I would see him before he left for the U.S.). 

There were tears. 

And as I took the subway back, I just realized how much I hate saying goodbye. I abhor this “rending” between these two cultures. As I rode the subway home with tears in my eyes, I just prayed that God would either open the door for me to stay in China or just shut it really hard. Because I was sick of being torn between the two. 

The next morning was our 100th day of school. Since I did not have time to prepare on Monday, I got up super early to go to the EK to prepare. 

And lo and behold, when I arrived….the door was locked.

Really locked. 

Apparently, the night before the maintenance men had decided to remove and replace the entire door handle ….and subsequently changed the lock. (of course, no one thought to mention it to me, haha). I ended up sitting outside the EK and lesson planning until a maintenance man cheerfully came and unlocked the door an hour later. :)

All that to say, the “message of the keys” still remains rather unclear for me. To be honest, I’m just overwhelmed and confused and conflicted. It seems like everyone wants me to “hui lai” (come back)….and that is really hard for me since I don’t want to disappoint anyone. BUT ultimately, I want to be where the Lord wants me. Even if it goes against human reason. 

I guess what I'm learning through this is that it doesn't really matter if the door is open or shut. What matters is who has the keys. On Friday night....I had to surrender my keys (literately). I could try to keep them and take them with me...but they were NOT coming out of the door. 

And on Tuesday morning....I was at the mercy of our shifu (maintenance man) to unlock the door. 

I was left to the mercy of the one who holds the keys. 

No big revelation came through this weekend (I wish!). I wish I knew for sure I am supposed to stay in China or go back home. But I think the Lord used this whole "key" disaster to teach me a key point: He is the One who holds the keys.

And I need to let them go.

this made me laugh

hi friends,

I’m back in China and definitely back into the swing of school here. Promise more stories and reflections soon, but thought you might enjoy this story from the other week first….

This past week, I was teaching my kiddos about John Muir (a conservationist who lived in the 1800s). The curriculum provided a picture of John Muir (in which he was rather old and scary looking). 

Rather than shocking my kiddos by showing them the picture right away, I attempted to stir up a little excitement in them by “setting the stage” for the picture.

I told them I had a friend I wanted them to meet. 

"This friend lived a long, long time ago." I said. "And now, he's not alive. He's dead.”

Before I could say anything else, one of my sweet students’ eyes just lit up and with all sincerity shouted out: "Its JESUS!!"

Ummm, not quite, haha. :)

Needless to say, I discovered this particular day that our social studies curriculum might be a little lacking (since apparently the only old “dead” guy I talk about is J*sus. :)

happy tuesday, friends! hope you have a lovely time celebrating the life of our RISEN Savior today. :)

love these smiles. :)