home

In the course of my life, I have moved more times that I would care to count… Honestly. I’ve lost count of how many “housing transitions” the Lord has brought my way.

And I’m thankful for it. God has taught me so much through each transition….

But… for that reason, I’ve tried to console myself over the years with the rather-cheesy cliché, “home is where the heart is”…and up until the past few weeks, I admit I’ve embraced this wholeheartedly. But as my family prepares for yet another transition this summer, I’m just not so sure.

Because if “home is where the heart is” – my heart is divided….a portion is right here with my family in Texas, another portion with my “heart friends” and family in the Midwest…and a great chunk of it is in china.

Ugh. I don’t want a divided heart.

If “a house divided against itself cannot stand”…. I stand to reason that a heart divided within itself won’t stand either.

All that to say, I just want my heart to be undivided in devotion to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I don’t know where home is on this earth. But honestly, in light of eternity, my home is not here on earth anyway. Not in Texas. Not in the Midwest. Not even in china. I’m a stranger and sojourner in this land….looking and waiting for the eternal rest waiting for me in heaven.

For my true home is where Christ is.

May it be so, Lord.

the plane ride (written july 18th)

When I bought my plane ticket to China, I began to pray for the people that God would have me sit next to, both on the way there and the way back home.

On flight to China, I think the Lord knew that I would need some time to think, cry, and prepare my heart. In fact, on my first flight from my home to Newark, my whole row was empty. And on my flight from Newark to China, the man I sat next to was Chinese….and he knew absolutely no English (which made me realize that I knew absolutely no Chinese – which was not exactly a comforting thought when you are moving to China). Needless to say, both flights were pretty lonely rides, but they were exactly what I needed. 

My trip back home was quite different. I sat next to a Chinese man. I assumed that he didn’t know any English, but he soon proved me wrong.

Before take off, I attempted to help a stewardess by asking him in Chinese about a bag in the overhead compartment….and after I “language fumbled” and made a great fool of myself, he responded in perfect English. (Embarassing :S).  We began talking, and I was surprised by his openness, both about his life and concerning spiritual things. He was very interested in philosophy, and soon admitted to me that he knew he had some “bad spots” deep inside him. Without really meaning or planning to, I began to share with this man about Jesus and how He completely cleared “bad spots” in my life…..and this was just in the first hour of our flight! We were able to talk quite a bit more throughout the flight…. and well, it just encouraged my heart so much.

I love how God provided this opportunity and was preparing Bill’s heart long before he stepped on the plane.

This little conversation just once again reminded me that God is at work in the world. He is at work in China. He is at work in the U.S.

And He is at work over the ocean between them.

Even though I may never see Bill again, I’d love if you bring Him before the throne right now and ask for the Lord to save him. Thanks, friends!

full circle

Things have really come full circle.

As I write this post right now, I’m at (one of) my favorite coffee shops near my home. I’m enjoying their drip coffee, one of their signature cookies, and attempting – rather unsuccessfully – to study Chinese.

Five months ago, I was here….drinking their drip coffee, enjoying a signature cookie, and filing out my visa paperwork for China.

So much has happened in five months.

I’ve moved to a new country, started a new job, met new friends, moved into a new apartment, began learning a new language, taught new things, learned new things, and joined up with new ministries.

New. New. New. So much “new.”

It has been an eventful – and semi-overwhelming – five months to say the least. 

But it has been so good. Despite all the daily challenges, I love China. Although there were many times when I felt like I did not belong, in many more ways, I felt like I did. And I think it is because I knew deep down that China is where God has me for this season of my life….and there is so much joy in being exactly where He wants you.

Besides a little breakdown in both the Beijing and San Francisco airport, it was relatively easy to slip back into life here at first (Thank you so much for your pr*yers regarding that!). I did have a slight moment’s freak out when my mom asked me to pick up some ranch dressing in Walmart (never realized Walmart has a whole aisle just for salad dressing!)… But besides that, His grace has been very evident in my transition back to life here.

In fact, during my first few days at home, it seemed like not much had changed since I left. I drove my car to Starbucks. I went running on my usual route. I ate at our neighborhood Chik-Fil-A. And it seemed like none of it had changed. In many ways, I felt like I had returned from some “time-warped” journey. It was strange to transition from so much new to so much old in such a short period of time.

Nevertheless I am discovering – day by day – that there is still much “new” for me to become acquainted with here, too. (Like can someone please explain to me what on earth is a “subtweet”? And what exactly is this “Duck Dynasty” that everyone raves about? …and I won’t even try to explain to you what is like to have heard of none of the movies at Redbox…or songs on the radio… :)

But the biggest “new” for me to get adjusted to has not been found on the radio or in the grocery aisle – but with myself.

Yikes.

After a few weeks at home, I’m discovering that China has changed me in more ways than I realized.

Don’t worry – they aren’t big dramatic ways – but more subtle nuances prevalent within me.

For example, although I teach English, it has been a little difficult for me to slip back into speaking it (all the time…with no added Chinese “fun phrases”) – complete with the advanced vocabulary and cultural nuances typical of Americans. My American friends in China often joked that the longer you live there, the more you forget English, and after just five months, I’m finding this to be true. (totally switched up “proactive” and “provocative” yesterday….big difference between the two. :)

Thus, pathetic as it sounds, it has been a struggle for me to make small talk, too. Before leaving for China, I confess I thrived on making simple conversation with strangers.

But in China, I barely knew enough Chinese to order my coffee – let alone talk with the barista.

And then, in the span of a 12 hour flight home, everything changed. Suddenly, my barista at the airport is talking to me in English, commenting on the weather, and asking about my trip. (I’m pretty sure she thought I was a little slow because it took me like a whole 2 seconds to process and then answer each of her questions…)

Add to this the struggle to try to truthfully and yet - hastily - answer the prevalent question, “How was China?” …..and well, in my search to find the words to explain all that God has done in the past five months – in five seconds or less – language suddenly becomes inadequate.

And speaking of communication, I’m discovering that China has developed me into much more of an introvert than ever before. Don’t worry, I still absolutely love talking with and chatting with y’all, but yikes….after a while, my mind just goes on overload. Too much English. Too much stimulation. Too much communicative understanding.

I can actually read billboards now. I can comprehend television. I can understand the people talking behind me in line.

Talk about information overload.

 (In China, there was a lot of background noise, but I couldn’t understand any of it. On the subway, in a restaurant, even at my school….I could basically tune out everyone talking, because most of the time…..had absolutely no idea what they were saying. :)

All that to say, life has been a strange combination of old and new lately.

And trying to navigate the waters between the two has been…well….hen you isi (very interesting). It has led to frustration (both to me and those around me). It has been a cause for a need for repentance and much grace. It has been humbling. And - at times,- it has been just downright hilarious (definitely accidentally told a drive-thru window attendant thank you in Chinese the other day. :S).

Truthfully, I don’t believe this strange mash-up of cultures will be sorted out anytime soon. In a matter of mere weeks, I’ll return to China for another five months…and then return for a few weeks during the Chinese new year holiday. I’m sure my life will become even more confusing the more this cycle of school/home/school repeats.

Nevertheless, I know that He is good. He is Sovereign. And as He brings things (and me) full circle….I trust He will continue to give grace.

last day of school snapshots

Let me offer an official apology.....

I'm absolutely terrible at remembering to take pictures.

And because of this:
1.) I don't have too many pictures from this semester.
2.) I attempted to make up for this photo lack by taking an over abundance of them on the last day of school....
3.) And due to this, my students have an awful case of "camera awkwardness" - especially since I forgot to teach them camera vocabulary (i.e., "smile!") until the last day of school. Oops. :)

Nevertheless, here's a few pictures of my super-cute kiddos from this year....

this little boy LOVED (...*ahem* demanded) to be first in line everyday.  But with that smile, it'd be hard to refuse him, right?? :)

This little sweetheart gave me a hug everyday after class before she would enter her homeroom. Made my day every time.

 

one of my "shining stars," haha. One day, Josie asked me in perfect English, "Teacher, may I go pee pee please?" Made me about cry with happiness. I'm pretty sure I automatically replied "yes, you may" ....and I also thought about telling her to make me some coffee while she's out because obviously she was way beyond my other kiddos at the moment, lol.

this little boy's English name is Rico....which I found out after calling him by a different name for two weeks. The good news is, he knows what his name is now. :) love this little guy.

please note how happy Joe and Terry were on this particular day (first and third from the right, respectively). lol

Despite all the crazy creativity-demanding lessons, headache-inducing noise volume, and the unfortunate occasional "accident," I'm extremely thankful for the opportunity to teach these little kiddos. They truly bless my heart so much. :)

pancakes and plans

 I love how God uses simple, rather silly things to reveal myself to me and to display His character.

Like pancakes.

There were a few random things that I missed while in China. Like pita bread. And cereal…and – heaven forbid – even super unhealthy doughnuts.

These are things that – if asked five months ago – I probably would have never thought I would miss.

But one thing trumped all of them: pancakes.

Thankfully, pancakes are pretty easy to make. 

As my time to return home for the summer neared, I began to invite friends over for breakfast....And of course, the breakfast would include pancakes. (And often, many leftovers....Leftovers pancakes soon became my dinner of choice - I think I was becoming a lazy cook by the end :).I just loved how something so simple and downright American like pancakes could build bridges in my relationships with others.

But my “pancake plans” didn’t always go according to plan. Friends would come late….or not at all. 

Yet, through it all, G*d once again proved that He is s*vereign. His plans will always prevail….and that I need to trust in that…and just be flexible.

This was clearly demonstrated to me a few days ago.

I really wanted to get together with Vicky one last time before I went home for the summer. So a few days before I flew home, I invited Vicky over for breakfast. I must confess, I was pretty pumped to be the first to introduce Vicky to some true American pancakes.

She agreed to come, but at the very last minute – as I was literally stirring the pancake batter – she had to cancel.

As I read her apologetic text message, disappointment rushed over me. Bummer, I sighed.

And then, I looked down at the double-batch of pancake batter in front of me.

Double bummer. I thought. What am I going to do with all of these pancakes? Heaven help me if I eat all of them myself!

I sighed and looked down at my phone again.

And then, I remembered….I had a missed call from Taozi earlier. She had called me as I was getting ready that morning. Without thinking, I picked up my phone and called her back.

Pick up, Taozi, I whispered into my phone as it rang. And please be hungry.

“Good morning!” Taozi answered in her broken English.

“Good morning, Taozi! Have you eaten yet?”

“Not yet…”

“Good! Then, come to my home!” (Thankfully, Taozi and I have a pretty good “last minute plans” sort of friendship, haha).

In a few minutes, Taozi and her son, Thomas, and I were laughing and eating pancakes at my kitchen table.

True, things definitely did not go they way I had planned them to go that morning, but it was good. Through this time, I was able to see and talk with Taozi one last time before heading home for the summer. Also, although I’ve been to Taozi’s apartment many times throughout this semester for meals, this was her first time coming to my home. Before she left, she promised to come many more times next semester.

I love how – even in the midst of disappointment - He truly does work all things together for good.

And thankfully, I was still able to get together with Vicky one more time before I flew out….in fact, the night before my flight, Vicky invited me to come over to her home.  

As I rode on the back of her bike with her to her apartment a few blocks away, I tried to push my “to-do” list out of my head and focus on this friend He had placed in front of me. And I’m so glad He gave me the grace to do so. I must confess, my time with Vicky was a little inconvenient (since I still needed to pack and prepare for my flight the next morning), but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. During my time at her home, we were able to talk a little bit about life, marriage, and J*sus. And through my time with her family, I was given a much fuller picture of Vicky’s life. I absolutely loved meeting her family and seeing her home. Her family is so sweet, and I’m excited to get to know them better next year. :)

So….no surprise- as this is becoming the reoccurring theme of my life as of late – through this whole experience, I’m discovering that He is s*vereign….over pancakes and plans. He knew that I needed to invite Taozi to my home…and that I needed to see Vicky’s home. 

Slowly but surely, I'm learning that when I choose to be flexible and trust Him in the little things – like missed meetings and extra pancake batter – His plans prove to be so much better than mine.

p.s. Thank you for your continued pra*yers for Taozi and Vicky. My heart just yearns for them to know our S*vior!