I knew that this semester in china would be a little bit more challenging than my first one before I even stepped foot onto the plane (considering I kind of missed my flight back. :S).
But I did make it back.
And within two hours of arriving in Beijing, I was sitting in a meeting for an all-staff in-service training….and discovering that my good friend was contemplating an abortion.
Five minutes before our first meeting began, my friend Taozi sat down right in front of me. When I asked her how she was doing, she quietly informed me that she was not feeling well.
"Oh, do you have a cold?" I asked.
"No." She shook her head and pointed down to her stomach. "I have a baby."
But before I could offer congratulations, she quickly (and sadly) said, "But I don't want it."
Taozi went on to explain that her husband wanted to baby, but she did not. She said they both had wanted a baby earlier this summer, but now, she had changed her mind. A baby would be too much work, and since her husband travels a lot, she would have to take care of the baby by herself. I gently offered to help her take of her son, Thomas, so she could have time to take care of the baby.
Later that afternoon, I saw Taozi again. She explained that she probably would not be at school the next day because she was going to try to go to the doctor. Although she didn't say it, I knew what kind of appointment she would be making....
Taozi was not at school the next day.
And she continued to be “sick” the next two week.
And the thought that she most likely underwent an abortion procedure at the hospital burdened my heart all throughout the staff training (We had two weeks of staff training).
It was like a brick of reality had hit me in the face. Welcome back to China.
And although I realized that abortion is very common in China due to the 1childpolicy, it still was a harsh reality for me to sort through.
While processing all of this and dealing with the guilt I felt for not doing enough on behalf of Taozi’s baby, I was presented with a big (and very last-minute) decision.
Would you consider transferring to the EK?
After getting my classroom in the Chinese kindergarten perfectly set up (and I do mean perfectly), I was asked to transfer to the English Kindergarten and be a homeroom teacher for EK. This request was made three days before the first day of school and 1.5 days before their orientation with parents and children. And I was given less than 4 hours to make my decision.
(A little background on EK: This kindergarten is a division of the same school, and it is technically part of the Chinese Kindergarten. However, it is located across the street in the English primary school’s building. It is more comparable to a bilingual kindergarten in the States. In the morning, a native-English speaker teaches English and other content subjects. In the afternoon, a Chinese teacher teaches Chinese. It is a hybrid program that is only in its second year of existence. There are two EK classrooms and the school was desperately in need of two homeroom teachers for both of them.)
I agonized throughout the whole decision process. There were so many benefits to both options, and I knew either one would be great. But after much prayer, I decided to transfer to EK.
Therefore, it was quite a whirlwind start to the semester. I had approximately 1.5 days to move to a new classroom, familiarize myself with a completely different curriculum, get to know my Chinese Teacher and Teacher’s Assistant (TA), and prepare my classroom for students.
In those first few days, He provided SO much grace. (And He helped sanctify me of some of my perfectionism…absolutely no way to perfectly organize and set-up a classroom and curriculum in 1.5 days, haha).
Now, less than two months later, I feel like finally starting to get into the swing of things.
My coworkers are amazing. Jackie, my Chinese Teacher, is the veteran teacher among us….without her, I would be completely lost. Jullianne, my TA, must certainly be an angel in disguise….she is a sweet lady who is willing to do anything. :) So thankful to work along these two ladies.
My students are great, too. I have 22 precious kiddos that each day bring joy, laughter, and an endless supply of funny stories into my life. (And let me just say: The are SO smart….its scary actually. :) Each day still possesses a few challenges, but overall, I see His sovereign hand in this transition.
In fact, I beginning to catch little glimpses of His Sovereign Hand in everything.
Even in the unexpected.
I’m discovering that its in these “unexpected challenges” that He just seems to pour out an extra supply of grace and mercy….on us and on those around us.
Nevertheless, I’m still waiting for that “closure moment” with Taozi. (She told me she was getting an abortion, but it still has not been confirmed to me by her if she did or not - although context clues confirm it).
But I guess that’s real life. Sometimes real life doesn’t give you closure. I guess that is to be expected.
Nevertheless, in His sovereignty, I ran into her after school a few weeks ago on my way home. I was walking to our neighborhood grocery store and she was on her way home.
It was my first time seeing her since she had the abortion. She was walking funny and much more slowly.
Seeing her just brought a fresh wave of pain to my heart. It pained me that I didn’t do more to stop her. It pained me to see the hurt and guilt in her eyes. And it pained me to see the spark of life I once saw in her dimmed by pain.
And yet, I much as I hated the fact that she had an abortion….and was appalled by it….I just can explain just how much I was filled with love for her. How I longed for her to know Him. How I desired her to be healed by Him.
As we parted ways at her apartment complex, He used these mixed-up feelings within me to give me just a glimpse of His love for us.
How He abhors and is appalled by our blatant sin….and yet how He is filled with overwhelming love for us and longs for us to turn from our sin and know Him. How He can be filled with two opposing – and yet complementary – emotions at the same time towards sinful humanity.
All that to say, through it all these past few months, I’m learning that, yes, sometimes life brings heartache and unexpected circumstances. I guess that’s real life.
But even in the midst of heartache and uncertainty and unexpected transitions, He just seems to show up in an unexpected way. He is is even more real. He is more true. More constant. He is more.
And perhaps, even more willing to pour out His grace…. and more inclined to show His heart, share His love, and give Himself – to us.….and to those around us.
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