much joy

“JOY to the world! Joy to the world! Joy to the world! Joy to the world!”

sweet little Miffy :)

Christmas season is upon us…and this past week we’ve been busy preparing our EK students for their upcoming Christmas program this Saturday.

Despite “conventional wisdom,” my fellow EK homeroom teacher and I (who just so happens to be a *sister of mine), decided against having our little ones sing “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” and “Jingle Bells” and instead, opted for having them sing “Joy to the World” and “Away in a Manger” for their parents.

…which – when you think about it – contain some difficult language (and melodies) for ESL kindergartens. But our kiddos have proven more than capable of learning the songs…and hearing them sing out “Joy to the World” all throughout the day has just been making my week...

And perhaps driving us all a little crazy at the same time….

On Monday afternoon, after introducing “Joy to the World” to my class that morning, my

“Junie B. Jones” student (as I affectionately call her) kept singing/humming “Joy to the World” all throughout my Chinese Teacher’s afternoon class.

Miffy (yes, that is her English name) has a heart of gold….but the body (and perhaps the attention span) of a squirrel. She cannot sit still and remain focused for longer than three minutes :). However, she is SO incredibly bright. She is a “human tape recorder” for all things English (seriously, she remembers everything I say).

However, the only problem on this particular afternoon was that she could only remember half of the first line of the song.

Over and over and over again, this dear child kept singing out the same line ….

“JOY to the world! JOY to the world! JOY to the world! JOY to the world!”

It was if her sweet little mind was switched on to a perpetual repeat.

“MIFFY!” My Chinese Teacher’s once again interrupted her during their "quiet" work time. Her tone verged on exasperation. “Qing an jing! (Please be quiet!).”

“Aiyo!” Miffy exclaimed in surprise as she clamped a hand over her mouth and suppressed a chuckle.

As I watched this scene unfold before me from my position in the back of our classroom, I just couldn’t help but laugh, too – especially when Miffy began humming the same line a few seconds later.

Yes, there is joy here. The Spirit resonated this simple truth within my heart. 

Much joy.

The past few weeks leading up to this day had proven to be a little long. And definitely lacking in overwhelming joy.

To be honest, life here is wonderful. I absolutely love it.

But regardless, there are times (especially during this holiday season) where I just want to go home. I want to hold my baby nephew. I want to drive my little car and jam out to Lecrae with my brother. I want to meet my sister for coffee at our favorite coffee shop. I want to call my friends on my phone (not skype) and talk with them for hours about everything and nothing at the same time. I want to run on my favorite running trails. I want to make bread and wash dishes with my mom. I want to meet my dad for coffee at Starbucks. I want to be able to buy all my groceries in one place. I want to be able to communicate with my bank and fill out paperwork in English.

But you know what I want more? All the time?

I want to be here.

Right here.

Because I know that this is the place where I can laugh everyday. This is the place where little ones to come up to me and tell my about their playdough creations in broken English. This is the place where I am humbled. Where I am stretched. Where I am dependent, upon Him and upon others. This is the place where my longing for home propels me to long for heaven. This is the place where He wants me right now.

And that proves to be a place of joy.

Yes, there is joy here for Miffy.

There is joy here for me.

And there is joy for the world….and its found in our Lord who has come. :)

Asking that those around us here on earth would choose to receive their King this holiday season!

I'm thankful for... Thanksgiving!

happy (belated) thanksgiving, friends!

I must say, I just love teaching kindergarten. Only in kindergarten can you completely neglect curriculum for an entire week for the sake of Thanksgiving. :) ...just kidding – but seriously....

The past few weeks, we’ve completely devoted ourselves to learning about the Pilgrims, the Mayflower, and Squanto.

And in the past few weeks, I discovered that it is rather difficult to try to explain Thanksgiving to a kindergartner in their second language....especially when they have no background knowledge concerning it. (I’m seriously afraid that my students still may believe that any type of boat is called a “Mayflower” and that any person wearing a funny hat is called a “Pilgrim.”)

But despite the language barrier, we had a blast learning about Thanksgiving and preparing for our big EK-family Thanksgiving feast we held on this past Friday. In the preparation, we made pilgrim hats, silly turkeys, Native American masks, and mini-Mayflowers. 

But despite all the fun activities, my favorite part about Thanksgiving this year was the open doors that it granted. Through discussing the Thanksgiving holiday, He granted opportunities to share with my students about the Pilgrims, their f*ith, and their desire to w*rship G*d.

In our “thankfulness discussion,” when I asked my kiddos were thankful for, one little girl raised her hand and said, “G*d.” (Of course, I was attempting to draw a little picture of everything that my students were saying on the whiteboard as part of a “thankfulness web”….it became a little more difficult when I now needed to draw a picture of G*d, haha. :).

The next day, as we were continuing our discussion, another little girl raised her hand and said, “Teacher, I’m thankful for J*s*s because He loves everyone.” This led many of the students to shout out, “J*s*s? Teacher, who is J*s*s?” I was so thankful to share with my students as much about J*s*s as their short attention spans would allow. :)

And before our Thanksgiving feast/celebration with our parents on this past Friday, I was able to pr*y with my students before our big meal (just like the first Pilgrims did!).

All that to say, my Thanksgiving day was a little non-traditional this year. Not only did I have to work and be away from my family, but I ate rice and Chinese veggies for my Thanksgiving lunch. :) And yet, I’m so thankful for it. Through this very-American holiday, He provided so many little open doors with my kiddos and co-workers.

And so many reminders of just how much I have to be thankful for. :)

My crazy Chengdu adventure

There are moments here that I realize in the name of “adventure” I do things here that may or may not be just stupid….and things that I may or may not tell my family for a few months until after I safely return.

Like fly to another far-away city without someone who speaks Chinese fluently….and without having a hotel booked for the entire stay.

Take a bus on a seven-hour, two-lane highway ride through the mountains from that city to a Tibetan mountain town.

Stay in the home of a T*bet*n family (when the hostel we wanted to stay at was full).

Communicate the whole weekend with the T family in both of our second languages (Chinese).

Eat yak meat and drink butter tea (I don’t recommend the tea…).

Barter with and subsequently take a black taxi (illegal taxi) up a snowy mountain.

Almost die on the same mountain due to altitude sickness, freezing temperatures, and lack of sufficient nutrition.

Buy a coat in a Tibetan village….because sometimes its worth 200 yuan just to be warm.

Meet and ride back down the mountain with a Tibetan monk in that same black taxi….in the rain and fog.

Take a cable car up another mountain to a temple….in the rain.

Meet a really cool coffeshop owner….and get free biscotti from him.

Take the bus back down through the mountains, on the same two-lane highway (only having the trip take 9 hours this time).

Find our hotel in the dark…and then eat muslim noodles in an alley at 10pm.

Visit pandas at the nature reserve.

Find out at starbucks that I’m officially an aunt (welcome to the world, little baby Jack!)

And fly safely back home…..(and eating a pomegranate on the plane with my roomie that I bought four days before from a street vendor…and subsequently dragged around with me on the entire trip – since I kept forgetting to eat it. :S).

Sometimes, I think that in the midst of our silly and sometimes crazy (and stupid) adventures, He gives extra grace (and protection)…and uses these “out-of-the-comfort zone” experiences to force us to rely on Him, stretch our faith, and open our eyes to the world around us.

But amazingly, it really wasn’t the crazy “adventure moments” that stood out to me the most from this trip, but the people we met while in the midst of them.

Like our taxi drivers who language-fumbled with us…street food vendors who told us about their lives…noodle shop owners who gave us extra portions….random fellow black taxi commuters who survived the mountain trek with us…bus drivers who may or may not have spit at other drivers on the road….and of course, our host family who opened up their home (and outhouse! :) to us.

It is through my life intersecting with the lives of random people like this that I am reminded why I like china so much….and why this is where He has me right now.

The people.

They are what makes me love this place so much. Sure, they are sinful and wicked and super frustrating at times…but for some reason, I just love them….and I know that He does, too.

Thanks for your continued pr*yers, friends. :)

Reality check

Life here has become so much more of a reality lately. I don't know if I really had a honeymoon stage in the whole 'culture shock progression' per se (it seemed pretty real from day 1), but if I did...I know that it's over now.

My heart has become so much more tied here. I have friends. And I feel for them. Their troubles, struggles, and hardships are mine to bear along with them.

I'm beginning to discover that the closer you become to someone, the more your heart is bound to theirs, and then....when their heart is hurting, yours is too....

To be honest, I feel like there’s a sharp dichotomy between some of the new teachers (we have about 10 new foreign teachers) and me. As they're taking pictures of strange food and laughing about 'china culture moments', I'm mourning over my friend's abortion, reconnecting with unsaved friends, and trying to contain my frustration about Chinese policies.

Ugh.

Regardless, as life has become so much more - well, life - I still have to remind myself occasionally that this life I live is being lived in China.

These little reminders happen at the oddest time....like when I'm waiting for the subway surrounded by way too many people....and probably not always in the best mood, His still small voice just speaks to me and reminds me that I'm in China. This is where He has placed me. In this moment, His Word is being proved true....that He will fulfill the desires of your heart when they are in line with His.

So while all my family members are beginning their normal morning routine halfway around the world, I'm waiting in line for the subway. Or looking at the moon outside of a Chinese retreat center.  As I greet my kiddos in the morning - coffee in hand - my family's telling each other good night and wrapping up their day.

It's hard to believe, actually.

But it's life. And it's my life here....complete with many of the same struggles and difficulties I would face in America.... just being lived out in china - the place where He has me for this season.

And with that reality in mind, there is much joy here. When I remember that I'm in china...and that my L*rd has placed me here....renewed purpose and joy just surge into my soul.

Unexpected challenges, Unexpected grace...

I knew that this semester in china would be a little bit more challenging than my first one before I even stepped foot onto the plane (considering I kind of missed my flight back. :S).

But I did make it back. 

And within two hours of arriving in Beijing, I was sitting in a meeting for an all-staff in-service training….and discovering that my good friend was contemplating an abortion.

Five minutes before our first meeting began, my friend Taozi sat down right in front of me. When I asked her how she was doing, she quietly informed me that she was not feeling well.

"Oh, do you have a cold?" I asked.

 "No." She shook her head and pointed down to her stomach. "I have a baby."

But before I could offer congratulations, she quickly (and sadly) said, "But I don't want it."

Taozi went on to explain that her husband wanted to baby, but she did not. She said they both had wanted a baby earlier this summer, but now, she had changed her mind. A baby would be too much work, and since her husband travels a lot, she would have to take care of the baby by herself. I gently offered to help her take of her son, Thomas, so she could have time to take care of the baby.

Later that afternoon, I saw Taozi again. She explained that she probably would not be at school the next day because she was going to try to go to the doctor. Although she didn't say it, I knew what kind of appointment she would be making....

Taozi was not at school the next day.

And she continued to be “sick” the next two week.

And the thought that she most likely underwent an abortion procedure at the hospital burdened my heart all throughout the staff training (We had two weeks of staff training).

It was like a brick of reality had hit me in the face. Welcome back to China.

And although I realized that abortion is very common in China due to the 1childpolicy, it still was a harsh reality for me to sort through.

While processing all of this and dealing with the guilt I felt for not doing enough on behalf of Taozi’s baby, I was presented with a big (and very last-minute) decision.

Would you consider transferring to the EK?

After getting my classroom in the Chinese kindergarten perfectly set up (and I do mean perfectly), I was asked to transfer to the English Kindergarten and be a homeroom teacher for EK. This request was made three days before the first day of school and 1.5 days before their orientation with parents and children. And I was given less than 4 hours to make my decision.

(A little background on EK: This kindergarten is a division of the same school, and it is technically part of the Chinese Kindergarten. However, it is located across the street in the English primary school’s building. It is more comparable to a bilingual kindergarten in the States. In the morning, a native-English speaker teaches English and other content subjects. In the afternoon, a Chinese teacher teaches Chinese. It is a hybrid program that is only in its second year of existence. There are two EK classrooms and the school was desperately in need of two homeroom teachers for both of them.)

I agonized throughout the whole decision process. There were so many benefits to both options, and I knew either one would be great. But after much prayer, I decided to transfer to EK.

Therefore, it was quite a whirlwind start to the semester. I had approximately 1.5 days to move to a new classroom, familiarize myself with a completely different curriculum, get to know my Chinese Teacher and Teacher’s Assistant (TA), and prepare my classroom for students.

In those first few days, He provided SO much grace. (And He helped sanctify me of some of my perfectionism…absolutely no way to perfectly organize and set-up a classroom and curriculum in 1.5 days, haha).

Now, less than two months later, I feel like finally starting to get into the swing of things. 

My coworkers are amazing. Jackie, my Chinese Teacher, is the veteran teacher among us….without her, I would be completely lost. Jullianne, my TA, must certainly be an angel in disguise….she is a sweet lady who is willing to do anything. :) So thankful to work along these two ladies.

My students are great, too. I have 22 precious kiddos that each day bring joy, laughter, and an endless supply of funny stories into my life. (And let me just say: The are SO smart….its scary actually. :) Each day still possesses a few challenges, but overall, I see His sovereign hand in this transition.

In fact, I beginning to catch little glimpses of His Sovereign Hand in everything.

Even in the unexpected.

I’m discovering that its in these “unexpected challenges” that He just seems to pour out an extra supply of grace and mercy….on us and on those around us.

Nevertheless, I’m still waiting for that “closure moment” with Taozi. (She told me she was getting an abortion, but it still has not been confirmed to me by her if she did or not - although context clues confirm it).

But I guess that’s real life. Sometimes real life doesn’t give you closure. I guess that is to be expected.

Nevertheless, in His sovereignty, I  ran into her after school a few weeks ago on my way home. I was walking to our neighborhood grocery store and she was on her way home.

It was my first time seeing her since she had the abortion. She was walking funny and much more slowly.

Seeing her just brought a fresh wave of pain to my heart. It pained me that I didn’t do more to stop her. It pained me to see the hurt and guilt in her eyes. And it pained me to see the spark of life I once saw in her dimmed by pain.

And yet, I much as I hated the fact that she had an abortion….and was appalled by it….I just can explain just how much I was filled with love for her. How I longed for her to know Him. How I desired her to be healed by Him.

As we parted ways at her apartment complex, He used these mixed-up feelings within me to give me just a glimpse of His love for us.

How He abhors and is appalled by our blatant sin….and yet how He is filled with overwhelming love for us and longs for us to turn from our sin and know Him. How He can be filled with two opposing – and yet complementary – emotions at the same time towards sinful humanity.

All that to say, through it all these past few months, I’m learning that, yes, sometimes life brings heartache and unexpected circumstances. I guess that’s real life.

But even in the midst of heartache and uncertainty and unexpected transitions, He just seems to show up in an unexpected way. He is is even more real. He is more true. More constant. He is more. 

And perhaps, even more willing to pour out His grace…. and more inclined to show His heart, share His love, and give Himself – to us.….and to those around us.

As unexpected as it may seem.

445 reasons why....i should learn how to tell military time.

I discovered this on friday. 

when i was supposed to leave for china. 

after arriving at the airport with my family and subsequently dragging both of my insanely heavy bags from the parking lot to the terminal (okay, actually my brother did - because he's a stud), i found my terminal completely deserted. 

after talking with a random security guard, we discovered that my flight to china was not going to  leave at 1pm like I expected.

Because it left at 1am the night/morning before.

Apparently, 01:00 means like....1:00 in the morning - not in the afternoon (who knew?!? :).

Oops.

After the reality of the fact that I really did in fact miss my flight (by like 12 hours), I rescheduled my flight to the next Saturday evening/morning. 

And -tax included -I've discovered that I have approximately 445 reasons to learn to tell military time. :) 

--------

 As I write this, I'm waiting at my gate to board my plane (which begins boarding at 00:30....which actually means 12:30am- I'm learning!! :). Saying goodbye to the family was, well, hard to say the least. Through hard, heart rending partings like this, I am reminded of how incredibly blessed I am with such an amazing family. After our goodbye, the Father used this passage in my daily reading to rly encourage my heart....

"And thus, I make it my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, 'those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.' This is the reason why I have so often been hindered from coming to you." - Romans 15:20-22

In the midst of all these hindrances, mix ups, silly military time mistakes, I'm discovering that He is Sovereign over us. He is good. And He is working all things together for His ultimate glory. 

Thanks for your continued prayers, friends! Although this experience was a little disappointing, I'm very thankful for this surprise extra time I've had at home.

leaving tomorrow

hi dear friends,
just wanted to let you know that I'll be leaving tomorrow for china again. (so excited!...and a little nervous :) I'd love if you could be praying for me as I travel back and begin a new semester. Looking forward to this semester and what the Lord is going to do through it. Thanks so much! So thankful for you all.
many blessings!
 
ps. here's a few more requests for you:
- wisdom/direction regarding ministry/teaching opportunities
- monday night fellowship
- safety in travel, life in china
- renewed energy, creativity, strength as I begin the new year

thanks....you're all the best! :)

blessed by this...

hi friends,

This little gem has been on repeat lately for me (must be trying to get my fill before I can't access it in China :). The Lord has used it to encourage my heart quite a bit...so I'd thought I'd pass it along. Hope it blesses your heart as much as it has mine. :)

much love!

 

departure, heart spill, and things like that…

In less than one week, I will be in China.

And in my flesh, I don’t want to go.

I know that sounds terrible. It pains my heart to write it. And I know its not true (especially since I spent the first three weeks of my summer pining away for China – just ask my poor family)…..but its my heart at the moment….as selfish and bewildered as it may seem.

As the day of my departure approaches, I’m afraid I’ve had a little too much time to self-evaluate. When I left in February, I received my visa, switched my plane ticket, and departed all in less than 24 hours. It was a rather hasty and unexpected departure.

But this time, my departure date has been an ominous writing on the wall from the day I booked my ticket back. Before I even stepped foot onto American soil this summer, the countdown had begun. I knew my time at home this summer would go quickly. And it has. Nevertheless, it has been good to prepare. I’ve had time to plan and purchase items for school and home. But it has also given me time to think. Too much, I’m afraid. This time to re-evaluate my life in China has led me to begin to question if it all is really worth it.

And – fleshly speaking – its not.

Living life thousands of miles away in China is simply not worth it. Its not worth missing the birth of my first nephew. Its not worth working another year in a position that I don’t feel particularly gifted for. Its not worth sacrificing my health with the ghastly pollution. Its not worth being so far away from family and the comforts and ease of living at home. Its not worth missing the holidays with my family. Its not worth feeling disconnected from the wonderful “heart friends” He has entrusted to me.

The cultural experience, the funny stories, the little adventures that come with living in another country….all of these I love….but when weighed in the balance with all of the more difficult experiences and sacrifices, they just don’t measure up.

They’re simply not worth it. 

But then, I remember.

I remember the One who stepped out of the throne room of heaven to rescue me. I remember His perfect life, His betrayal, His agonizing death, His burial….and His victorious resurrection. I remember His blood-bought purchase of my life.

I remember Jesus.

And I remember that He is worth it.

He is worthy.

As much as my flesh screams, pleads, and persuades me to stay where its easy and comfortable, I cannot. His love compels me.

It compels me to glorify Him through teaching little ones English. It compels me to share His love with Taozi, Vicky, Sophia, and all my coworkers. It compels me to return to China.

True, it may not always be fun. It may not be comfortable.

 But He did not stay where it was easy and comfortable.

And for right now, for this next year, He has called me to do the same. His work for me is not yet complete in China. I must go. I will go. Not necessarily because I want to (fleshly speaking), but because He is worthy.

He is absolutely worthy.

"And they sang a new song, saying, 'Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation....Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!'"  - Revelation 5:9,12

 _________

Thanks so much for your prayers for both my family and me. I know this goodbye is going to be quite a bit harder this time (for both of us….the tears have already begun :(... ). Please pray for extra grace. And a renewed vision and zeal. Ask him to help me keep my eyes steadfast upon Him – the One who is worthy. Thank you.

Ps. Here are some things I’m asking Him for this next semester. Would love if you would join me in it….

-       an open heart

-       a renewed zeal

-       a singular focus – glorify God in China….glorify Him through teaching, encouraging friends, sharing with others, loving my kiddos, etc.

-       more acquisition of the language

-       a Biblical church and fellowship

-       favor with parents, students, faculty and staff, administration, etc.

-       more opportunities to share/doors of utterance 

-    salvation of many – Taozi, Vicky, Sophia, Ling, Liu Jar, Malika, etc.

life as of late

It has been a little crazy around here lately. Last week, my mom and I were blessed with the opportunity to make a really quick road trip to the Midwest to visit some friends and family. Although our time was short, I was so encouraged by the time spent with family and friends. (A special thank you to all of you who went out of your way to meet up with me and/or allowed me to stay with you. Such a blessing!)

After returning from our trip, my family began the process of moving to a new home close to our neighborhood. My parents will be hosting three international boys from China this school year and needed a little more room for them (three boys!!….if you think about it, you can pray for my mom, haha.). Therefore, the past few weeks have been full of house remodeling, packing, moving, and all the joys that come along with that. :) It truly has provided some great family bonding times, though….nothing like painting and pizza to bring a family together! :)

During the course of this transition, one of the international boys who will be staying with my family arrived early for extra ESL tutoring. Steve is quite the character and has brought much laughter to our household. I’ve had the opportunity to tutor him the past week. I discovered that he loves to share about China and Chinese customs. (in fact, the phrase “in china” may or may not have become a running joke in our family….now I know what my family must have thought when I first came home…. “in china this, in china that…”  lol :). I’ll often ask Steve why Chinese people do/have a certain custom…..to which he will often reply “No why.” This response just cracks me up every time. Can’t bring myself to teach him to say “no reason” yet. :) I’ve also discovered that he likes baking….so I’ve done my best to teach him “baking vocabulary”….while baking cookies and chocolate cake. Its been a fun (and delicious!) tutoring experience to say the least.

Anyway, that is the rather short and hasty summary of my life as of late. Although it has been a little busy, it has been wonderful. I’ve just loved spending time with my family and treasuring this time with them. The summer is just flying by, and I’ve already begun the mental countdown to my departure. :( I’m scheduled to leave August 16^th…..and its coming quick! Thankful for this time at home. :) 

Steve with his DOUBLE-LAYER chocolate cake! so proud. :)

a dolphin tour with the family...possibly one of the cheesiest (& best!) highlights of summer

home

In the course of my life, I have moved more times that I would care to count… Honestly. I’ve lost count of how many “housing transitions” the Lord has brought my way.

And I’m thankful for it. God has taught me so much through each transition….

But… for that reason, I’ve tried to console myself over the years with the rather-cheesy cliché, “home is where the heart is”…and up until the past few weeks, I admit I’ve embraced this wholeheartedly. But as my family prepares for yet another transition this summer, I’m just not so sure.

Because if “home is where the heart is” – my heart is divided….a portion is right here with my family in Texas, another portion with my “heart friends” and family in the Midwest…and a great chunk of it is in china.

Ugh. I don’t want a divided heart.

If “a house divided against itself cannot stand”…. I stand to reason that a heart divided within itself won’t stand either.

All that to say, I just want my heart to be undivided in devotion to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I don’t know where home is on this earth. But honestly, in light of eternity, my home is not here on earth anyway. Not in Texas. Not in the Midwest. Not even in china. I’m a stranger and sojourner in this land….looking and waiting for the eternal rest waiting for me in heaven.

For my true home is where Christ is.

May it be so, Lord.

the plane ride (written july 18th)

When I bought my plane ticket to China, I began to pray for the people that God would have me sit next to, both on the way there and the way back home.

On flight to China, I think the Lord knew that I would need some time to think, cry, and prepare my heart. In fact, on my first flight from my home to Newark, my whole row was empty. And on my flight from Newark to China, the man I sat next to was Chinese….and he knew absolutely no English (which made me realize that I knew absolutely no Chinese – which was not exactly a comforting thought when you are moving to China). Needless to say, both flights were pretty lonely rides, but they were exactly what I needed. 

My trip back home was quite different. I sat next to a Chinese man. I assumed that he didn’t know any English, but he soon proved me wrong.

Before take off, I attempted to help a stewardess by asking him in Chinese about a bag in the overhead compartment….and after I “language fumbled” and made a great fool of myself, he responded in perfect English. (Embarassing :S).  We began talking, and I was surprised by his openness, both about his life and concerning spiritual things. He was very interested in philosophy, and soon admitted to me that he knew he had some “bad spots” deep inside him. Without really meaning or planning to, I began to share with this man about Jesus and how He completely cleared “bad spots” in my life…..and this was just in the first hour of our flight! We were able to talk quite a bit more throughout the flight…. and well, it just encouraged my heart so much.

I love how God provided this opportunity and was preparing Bill’s heart long before he stepped on the plane.

This little conversation just once again reminded me that God is at work in the world. He is at work in China. He is at work in the U.S.

And He is at work over the ocean between them.

Even though I may never see Bill again, I’d love if you bring Him before the throne right now and ask for the Lord to save him. Thanks, friends!

full circle

Things have really come full circle.

As I write this post right now, I’m at (one of) my favorite coffee shops near my home. I’m enjoying their drip coffee, one of their signature cookies, and attempting – rather unsuccessfully – to study Chinese.

Five months ago, I was here….drinking their drip coffee, enjoying a signature cookie, and filing out my visa paperwork for China.

So much has happened in five months.

I’ve moved to a new country, started a new job, met new friends, moved into a new apartment, began learning a new language, taught new things, learned new things, and joined up with new ministries.

New. New. New. So much “new.”

It has been an eventful – and semi-overwhelming – five months to say the least. 

But it has been so good. Despite all the daily challenges, I love China. Although there were many times when I felt like I did not belong, in many more ways, I felt like I did. And I think it is because I knew deep down that China is where God has me for this season of my life….and there is so much joy in being exactly where He wants you.

Besides a little breakdown in both the Beijing and San Francisco airport, it was relatively easy to slip back into life here at first (Thank you so much for your pr*yers regarding that!). I did have a slight moment’s freak out when my mom asked me to pick up some ranch dressing in Walmart (never realized Walmart has a whole aisle just for salad dressing!)… But besides that, His grace has been very evident in my transition back to life here.

In fact, during my first few days at home, it seemed like not much had changed since I left. I drove my car to Starbucks. I went running on my usual route. I ate at our neighborhood Chik-Fil-A. And it seemed like none of it had changed. In many ways, I felt like I had returned from some “time-warped” journey. It was strange to transition from so much new to so much old in such a short period of time.

Nevertheless I am discovering – day by day – that there is still much “new” for me to become acquainted with here, too. (Like can someone please explain to me what on earth is a “subtweet”? And what exactly is this “Duck Dynasty” that everyone raves about? …and I won’t even try to explain to you what is like to have heard of none of the movies at Redbox…or songs on the radio… :)

But the biggest “new” for me to get adjusted to has not been found on the radio or in the grocery aisle – but with myself.

Yikes.

After a few weeks at home, I’m discovering that China has changed me in more ways than I realized.

Don’t worry – they aren’t big dramatic ways – but more subtle nuances prevalent within me.

For example, although I teach English, it has been a little difficult for me to slip back into speaking it (all the time…with no added Chinese “fun phrases”) – complete with the advanced vocabulary and cultural nuances typical of Americans. My American friends in China often joked that the longer you live there, the more you forget English, and after just five months, I’m finding this to be true. (totally switched up “proactive” and “provocative” yesterday….big difference between the two. :)

Thus, pathetic as it sounds, it has been a struggle for me to make small talk, too. Before leaving for China, I confess I thrived on making simple conversation with strangers.

But in China, I barely knew enough Chinese to order my coffee – let alone talk with the barista.

And then, in the span of a 12 hour flight home, everything changed. Suddenly, my barista at the airport is talking to me in English, commenting on the weather, and asking about my trip. (I’m pretty sure she thought I was a little slow because it took me like a whole 2 seconds to process and then answer each of her questions…)

Add to this the struggle to try to truthfully and yet - hastily - answer the prevalent question, “How was China?” …..and well, in my search to find the words to explain all that God has done in the past five months – in five seconds or less – language suddenly becomes inadequate.

And speaking of communication, I’m discovering that China has developed me into much more of an introvert than ever before. Don’t worry, I still absolutely love talking with and chatting with y’all, but yikes….after a while, my mind just goes on overload. Too much English. Too much stimulation. Too much communicative understanding.

I can actually read billboards now. I can comprehend television. I can understand the people talking behind me in line.

Talk about information overload.

 (In China, there was a lot of background noise, but I couldn’t understand any of it. On the subway, in a restaurant, even at my school….I could basically tune out everyone talking, because most of the time…..had absolutely no idea what they were saying. :)

All that to say, life has been a strange combination of old and new lately.

And trying to navigate the waters between the two has been…well….hen you isi (very interesting). It has led to frustration (both to me and those around me). It has been a cause for a need for repentance and much grace. It has been humbling. And - at times,- it has been just downright hilarious (definitely accidentally told a drive-thru window attendant thank you in Chinese the other day. :S).

Truthfully, I don’t believe this strange mash-up of cultures will be sorted out anytime soon. In a matter of mere weeks, I’ll return to China for another five months…and then return for a few weeks during the Chinese new year holiday. I’m sure my life will become even more confusing the more this cycle of school/home/school repeats.

Nevertheless, I know that He is good. He is Sovereign. And as He brings things (and me) full circle….I trust He will continue to give grace.