third time's the charm?

My airline loves me.

Not because I am a valued customer or anything sentimental like that, but because apparently, I struggle with making a decision regarding my departure date. Currently, I have chosen two dates to depart for China.....and as of this past week, I may be able to leave earlier than expected. Thus, another changed departure date.

And another lovely charge from my airline. :)

And to be honest, I don't even care. Go ahead and charge me the change fee. If that fee takes me to China two weeks sooner than expected, then so be it. I am just so excited to get to China. I am excited to see what He has in store for me there.

little confirmations

 This may sound really petty, but I have been a little concerned about something lately.

A bed.

Where am I going to find a bed in China? (A western-style bed...which is quite different than the hard, Chinese-style beds.) And when I find one, how am I going to get it to my apartment? And how much will it cost? I could just imagine myself trying to load a mattress into a small taxi and then lugging it up 7 flights of stairs to my apartment.... :)

Now, don't worry....I haven't been consumed by thoughts of a obtaining a bed. In fact, the idea of sleeping on a floor in a apartment for a few days (or weeks) kind of appealed to me in a "roughing-it" sort of way, but then, reality began to set in. I knew that finding a bed in China may be a little more an adventure than I might desire.

So I began to tell Him about this need. And ask for Him to do as He has promised - to provide. Or at least give me the grace to endure (even enjoy) sleeping on the floor for a while.

And He has!

This past week, I received an email from one of my future apartment-mates (who sounds amazing). When I asked about the bed-purchasing process, she explained that they actually already have an unopened mattress that someone had purchased, and then, never moved in with them as planned. I could purchase this unused mattress for $50. Would I like to purchase it? She asked in her email.

Yes, please. :)

(Also, little coincidence, I received a check in the mail the other day for exactly $50.....When He provides, He truly provides!)

I just love it. Its really not that big of a deal. Its just a bed. But nothing is too small or insignificant to Him. He is not too big to care about the small things in our lives. He cares. He loves.

And everyday, He is faithful to confirm this through the littlest things.

Like a mattress.

just a glimpse

Sometimes He gives us a little glimpse of what He is up to - not always, but sometimes. Just because. He doesn't need to. But in His marvelous love, He does.

I had a little glimpse of this the other night. 

On Tuesday of this past week, I was supposed to fly out, but plans changed. Therefore, instead of finishing up packing and spending time with my family on Monday night, I was picking up carry-out pizza....rather glamorous, huh? :)

This past week, the school my father works for was having a guest speaker for chapel all week. We invited this guest speaker and his family over for pizza on Monday night.

After dinner, this man and I had the opportunity to share the g*sp*l with the two international students from China and Vietnam who are living with my family this semester. This was such an answer to pr*y*r. These two girls have been on my heart the past few weeks, and I have been asking Him for opportunities to share with them. And He provided a major one the other night.

The night I was supposed to be packing for China.

This conversation lasted over an hour, and most likely, it would not have taken place if my departure date had not been delayed. Moreover, this conversation has opened the door for many similar conversations this past week. :) These girls are hungry for truth. The questions they ask me are tough, but so good.

I have been overwhelmed by His goodness in opening this "door of utterance" for me. The past few days, the L*rd has just confirmed to me His Master Plan. He didn't need to. He calls me to follow Him and trust Him without knowing the end result. (I think this is called faith... :).

But sometimes, along the way, He gives us just a glimpse of what He is up to. And it excites my heart so much.

He is at work in the world. And this does not just mean in China or Vietnam. He is at work right here. All around me. All around you. And He chooses us to share in this work.

And I think it begins right here. Right now. Where He has placed you at this moment....

For me, it begins at home. With the two cutest international "sisters" I could ask for. :)

change of plans

I am supposed to be leaving in approximately 17 hours for China.

But I'm not.

Plans have changed. Again. (I should really be expecting this by now.....He must want me to learn a little flexibility. :)

Due to a surprise opportunity (see previous post), I exchanged my plane ticket to late February tonight. Although I really wanted to get to China before the semester begins, this was really the only affordable plane ticket (due to the Chinese New Year). Before I began looking at the ticket prices and dates, I just prayed that He would provide the right ticket with the right time and price. Unfortunately, the ticket prices for February were significantly more expensive than the price of my first ticket. Tickets prices didn't drop until the late February. Ugh. Call me impatient, but that seems like an eternity away. But He is faithful, and I'm thankful that this ticket was actually $50 cheaper than my first ticket. Plus, I will hopefully be able to begin working only two weeks into the semester instead of one month into it like I may have had to before this change.

And speaking of changed plans...here's another one. I was informed the other day that I will be teaching students a year younger in two of my classes. Not too big of a deal - until you realize just how young my students already are (i.e., really young!). I've been joking with my family that I hope my students are all potty trained, but after being informed about this change the other day, in a few weeks, my "potty training remarks" may not prove to be very humorous after all. :)

Even still, in the midst of unmet expectations and unknown changes, He is faithful. He is in control. He has a plan.

And His plan is so much more perfect than my own.

So its really not His plans that are changing, but mine. As the Sovereign One, He had a master plan for all of this before China even crossed my mind. I am striving to rest in and continually submit to that plan. 

But confession: its hard.

Its hard to be flexible when there are so many unknowns. Its hard to pay $250 to change a ticket when you're not even sure if you'll be able to enter the country by then. Its hard to trust in the midst of so much uncertainty. 

And its easy to fear and doubt.

Last night, we changed my ticket in the matter of a 10 minute phone conversation. Afterwards, I literately felt sick to my stomach. Did we choose the right day? Is the price okay? What if we have to change it again? All of these fearful thoughts just rushed in.

Ugh.

I hate fear. To be honest, I'm sick of it. And on my own, I'm absolutely powerless against it.

But He is not. He is Conqueror!

And I find so much comfort in that.

So no, I'm not leaving for China in 17 hours. And although I know He has a master plan in all of this, I must confess I am a little disappointed. I am really excited to get to China, and I'm not super pumped to have to wait six more weeks to get there. (I know, its pathetic :). But I know He has a reason for this. The next six weeks will be good. His plan is always best.

Right now, it may seem like a change to me, but He is never taken by surprise. What a glorious thought!

~~~~
P.S. Just wanted to say that I love, love you all! :) 

finding rest

"Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed."
- A.W. Tozer

The last few days have been a whirlwind of paperwork.

A few days ago, I was presented with an opportunity. This opportunity would allow me to get to China a few weeks later than anticipated, but it would allow me to begin teaching sooner than expected. To me, this seemed a pretty impossible opportunity. However, since I know I serve Someone who is kinda in the business of overcoming impossibilities, I decided to pursue it.

I made phone calls. I emailed people. Lots of people. And by lots of people, I actually mean that I emailed anyone in the department or company who would maybe pity me and answer my email (sorry if you happened to be one of those people). I called again. And again. I stayed on hold. I stayed on hold long enough to memorize the tune of the "elevator-like" hold music.  I experienced disappointment. And frustration. And thoughts of suicide. (....okay, definitely joking on the last one....but seriously. It was getting ridiculous.)

To be honest, the more I pursued this opportunity, the more I felt like I was experiencing resistance at every turn.

After encountering so many roadblocks, I began to question my Father. "Is this really worth it? Do you really want me to go to China? It would be a lot easier to stay here. I know you can make this opportunity work out, but will you? What are you trying to teach me through all this?"

And just then, my Father brought a verse to my mind.

"Come unto Me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

"Yes, Father. That's what I want." My heart responded. I was weary - weary of unanswered emails, dead-end phone calls, and paperwork nightmares. I was burdened by the impossibility of this situation. And I desperately wanted rest.

I wanted rest in the midst of all this chaos, but to my shame, I had forgotten one important thing.

I had forgotten to come.

"Come unto Me..."

Before I can rest in Him, I must come to Him.

In the midst of it all, I began to realize to a little greater degree, what it means to rest in Him. My circumstances didn't improve dramatically. (In fact, I found out that a document that I paid to be sent to Nebraska was accidentally sent to Nevada instead....oh dear.) But I learned that I can rest in the midst of chaos, when I choose to come to Him and lay my heart before my Father. He cares, and He gives rest.

But I must come.

One evening, after another whirlwind day, I poured my heart out to my Father and let him know yet again my heart concerning this opportunity. I knew that if He chose to work it out, this opportunity would save me time, money, and allow me to begin teaching sooner than expected. Once again, I surrendered this to Him and chose to rest in Him.

Praise Him, the very next morning, I received an email that explained that the opportunity was successful. He was faithful to answer my plea and through it all, increased my faith.

Nothing is impossible for Him!

Yes, my soul, find rest in Him; my hope comes from Him. Ps. 62:5

bravery

I just couldn't resist.... :)

 "You must be very brave..."
"We admire your bravery..."

However well-meaning these comments have been, they have made me a little sick to my stomach.

I am not brave. At all.

On the contrary, I am a wimp.

But as people have commented on my so-called bravery lately, I have been distraught on how to answer them. Leaving all familiarity and moving to a foreign country does not necessarily mean you are a brave person.

It may just mean that you are a crazy one.

I have been realizing in my life lately that sometimes my Father asks me to do crazy things. Like buy breakfast for a homeless man. Or sit on the concrete and talk with a random middle school student after school. Or ask a friend what she thinks about eternity in a Asian food market.

Or maybe, even move to a foreign country.

And when He asks these things of me, I have a choice. I can obey or disobey.

When I choose to obey, I may look a little crazy. People may stare. I may be laughed at or ridiculed.
But I'm realizing a little bit more each day that it is so much better to choose to please my Father than please the people in this world.

And was this not the example J*s*s left? He did crazy things. He called people to leave everything and follow Him. He befriended the outcasts. He spoke with prostitutes. He obeyed His Father, and He has both commanded (and equipped) me to do the same.

I don't think My Example is necessarily looking for "brave" people to carry out His work in the world (At least, I hope not - because I definitely don't fit that description). I think He is looking for individuals who are willing....willing to follow Him.... willing to obey Him.

And willing to look a little crazy in the process.

....which - not gonna lie - makes me a little excited. because I think I might fall into that category.  :)