look at ME!

"Nick!" My voice rang out in the classroom.

Nick’s eyes remained down on his paper.

“Nick!” I spoke a little louder to get his attention.

No response.

“Nick, Time to line up!”

“Nick! Nick!”

Again, no response.

I tried not to get angry. I tried to exercise patience. Perhaps he didn’t hear me. Perhaps he doesn’t remember his english name.

Or perhaps he’s ignoring me.

“NICK!”

By this time, half of my students waiting in line attempted to get his attention, too.

“Nick! Teacher Rebecca jiao ni!” They whispered in Chinese.

Still, no response. His head remained down on his work.

Finally, in exasperation, I walked over to his desk.

“Nick,” I said more gently this time. “Teacher Rebecca is talking to you.”

And still, no response.

“Zhang Zi Han!” Jackie called out his name in Chinese.

Immediately, Nick’s head lifted and his eyes met Teacher Jackie’s.

I both laughed and groaned at the same time. Apparently this kiddo did NOT recognize his english name. Gently, I took my hands and turned Nick’s head to face mine.

“Nick,” I sighed, “What is your name?”

His cute glasses reflected the “deer-in-the-headlights” look. He obviously didn’t understand me.

Again, I asked, “What is your name?”

I could see the wheels begin to turn in his brain.

“Nick.” He face reddened with slight embarrassment and his cheeky grin slowly spread across his face. “My name is Nick.”

Finally.
I inwardly groaned and let out an exasperated sigh. My voice went into teacher-mode as I once again repeated a phrase that has become almost automatic with every conversation I have with Nick. “Nick, when Teacher Rebecca says your name, what do you do?”

Blank stare.

I continued, “Nick stops, looks, and listens to Teacher Rebecca. Okay?”

“Okay!” He nodded, but I knew he still didn’t get it.

I wish I could say that Nick is the only student in my class this year who has trouble recognizing his English name….but that would be a lie. In fact, it has become so troublesome that I’ve actually had to teach my students on more than one occasion how to respond when a teacher calls your name (Stop. Look at the Teacher. Say “Yes?”). We even practiced (multiple times). And still, I feel like certain names have been on a perpetual repeat in my classroom.

“Nick!” “Tank!” “Sissi!” “John!”

No answer.

Yet, all it takes is Teacher Jackie to merely whisper their Chinese names and their heads quickly turn to hers.

Its astounding really.

As my patience has been stretching thin lately, I just want to yell at them (even if they wouldn’t understand me), “Look at ME! What is your NAME?!”

I want my students to respond to their name. I want them to know who they are. I want Nick to know he is Nick. I want him to turn to me when I call to him.

As I’ve been thinking about this lately (and possibly complaining about it to my co-teachers), I just felt the Lord convict me. Perhaps that is what He is doing to me. He is calling me by name and wants me to know my identity in Him. He wants me to look to Him and respond when He calls.

So He calls. He gently whispers. And perhaps even yells.

And most of time, I’m afraid I’m oblivious.

I want to know who I am in Christ. I want to be secure in my new identity in Him. I want to answer Him when He calls. When He calls my name, I want my eyes to turn swiftly to Him and to respond, “Yes?”

“Speak, O Lord for your servant is listening.” 1 Sam. 3:10

....And speaking of calling, tonight my parents took my roommates out for Beijing duck. During dinner, my Dad discussed with my roommates about how parents don’t always look at their child’s calling and gifting, but put their own expectation/calling upon them. As teachers, his words resonated with us and what we've seen in our interactions with our student's parents. Anyway, as he was sharing, it was just once again confirmed in my heart that, yes. I am doing what the Lord has called and gifted me to do. Teaching and working with these young children and Chinese people. This is what I’m meant to do. Maybe not for forever - but for right now. I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. So thankful for that. 

embracing "here"

pre-ride selfie - if we only knew what our journey would hold, haha

I'm on the train from Ordos to Hohot Inner Mongolia, and I'm exhausted. We've been traveling in Inner Mongolia for the past four days - three of which have been with limited running water and internet service. 

Its late, and three hours remain in our train journey. To be honest, I was ready to arrive in Hohhot before we even began our journey one hour ago. 

Miserable - that word successfully describes the journey thus far.

I guess I wan't the only one who felt like this, haha

The train is packed and filling more with each successive stop. I want to drone out all the noise of screaming children and chattering of Chinese that surrounds me. I want to ignore the stares and whispers of "wai guo ren" (foreigner) that seem to never cease. I want to trade the weird and pungent smells that permeate the stuffy train car with FRESH air. 

So, I plug in my earphones and turn on the tunes. I try to drone out the screaming and yelling of the soliciting salesperson who unfortunately decided to grace our train car with his presence. I close my eyes to ignore the stares of all those around me. Like a little child covering his eyes during a game of hide and seek, I reason, maybe if I can't see them, they won't be able to see me. I pull up my scarf over my nose and hold my breath to avoid the smells of smoke, body odor, instant noodles, and tofu snacks.

Truly, I love China. But on this particular train ride, I just want to escape it for a little bit. I think of my family celebrating my nephew's 1st birthday together and of my boyfriend and of my friends in America. How I'd love to be with them all right now....with them there in America and not here in China on this crazy train.  

But then, His voice whispers....I've placed you here.

This is your area of influence, He whispers to my heart. Right here. Right now. On this train. 

Embrace it. He both lovingly and firmly commands.

Conviction hits me. He has placed me here for this season. Here, in China. Not there, in America. This loud, noisy and sometimes smelly culture I'm a part of is His country that He loves. The people that surround me are HIS creation. 

In repentance, I slowly open my eyes. Yes, they are still staring. The little girl behind my seat once again peeks her head around my chair to look at the foreigner. The man across from me still glances in my direction with evident curiosity. I look into their eyes and ask Him to help me see them like He does - with compassion and not frustration.

I take out my earbuds. The children are still screaming. I laugh and think how I might want to scream, too. The salesperson comes over to me and pokes fun of me on his handheld speaker in Chinese. I inwardly groan, smile a "God is using this to sanctify me" smile, and try to politely refuse the silly hair towels he's selling. 

I pull down my scarf and the smells still remain - growing more pungent with each town we pass. But I choose to  breathe it in deep because He has placed me here.

Yes, living here is no fairytale. It is real and smelly and uncomfortable at times. But it is where He has placed me right now. And knowing that, I will CHOOSE to embrace this sometimes uncomfortable and crazy china life He's given me. 

"But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us....our hope is that as your faith increases, our area of influence among you may be greatly enlarged so that we may preach the gospel in lands beyond you...." 

~2 Corinthians 10:13, 15-16

and when you call for a taxi driver.....

make sure to explicitly tell him how many people will be joining you in the car.

This past week, my parents were in BJ for business. I LOVED seeing them - such a major heart encouragement.

Since they wanted to visit the Great Wall, I decided to take a day off of work to take them to the Great Wall. I called a private driver to take us to the wall. However, when I called, I forgot to mention how many people would be joining me on the trip.

Needless to say, he ended up bringing his aunt along - which made for a interesting trip. "Auntie" as we affectionately named her, joined us for the trip and volunteered to be our personal photographer for the trip.

nevertheless, it was a blast (well, execpt for the part where I persuaded my parents to take the stairs up the wall instead of the cable car....it was a lot more stairs than I expected, haha). They forgave me, though, and we had an amazing time.

here's a few pictures of our journey...

On our way up the million stairs, a random middle-school Chinese girl gave me this flag....seriously, its the little things like this that He uses to just make my day!

thankful for this goofball....and the flag. :)

Wish I could adequately write more to tell you about our trip (which included a drunk Austrailian and a grandma on a taboggan), but I'll spare you. Instead, I'll just tell you that I love these amazing parents of mine who would choose to venture thousands of miles (and Great Wall steps!) just to be with me. What a picture of His love...and a blessing to my heart. :)

october holiday

hi friends!

happy October! It is officially October and with the advent of the month of October comes China's National Holiday. Every year, China graciously grants its workers a holiday during the first week of October. This year, my friends and I decided to take full advantage of the holiday break and take a little trip to Inner Mongolia. 

Traveling in China is always so interesting. You seriously never know what to expect.... This truth was just exemplified throughout our trip. We arrived in Inner Mongolia with a rough plan and "bucket list" of what we wanted to see and do, but then the Lord just took this and took over. He was so faithful to bring people across our path and provided unexpected circumstances and divine appointments. So thankful to be able to trust and rest in the fact that He is in control. 

Here's a few pictures and highlights of our trip....

our super small airplane! we chose to fly out of a smaller airport....on the way there, we confessed to our taxi driver that we were concerned about the safety of the smaller airport and smaller airplane. "Dui a! (Right, of course!)" He replied. Not a super comforting response, haha. 

Nevertheless, we made it safely to Hohhot! On our way to find a place to eat lunch, we unintentionally ran into a starbucks.....latte for lunch anyone? :)

but we did find a place to eat lunch at a little "hole-in-the-wall" restaurant....the lady who served us was super sweet. :) We assumed the man on the left was her son because he was so helpful in serving us, but in fact, he was just a fellow patron. He came over and sat with us (I even shared some pomegranate with him, haha) and gave us advice on where to go and what to visit. Thankful for such friendly people like these sweethearts. 

and the food was delicious, too!

street exploring/shopping

tried some traditional mongolian-style yogurt

met this shop owner who burned art onto sheep's wool. He was hilarious and loved us because we attracted a lot of business to him. :) 

After buying way too many burned wool art pieces, we stumbled upon a local church. We went inside and were amazed at how big the place was!

We spent some time praying here - which was so sweet. Then, we talked to a fellow brother and sister....made me really excited for heaven when we'll all be able to share and praise Him without language barriers. :)

annnd more shopping - my camera doubled as our "dressing room" mirror :)

I was so cold that I bought a fuzzy sweater on the street, just so I could wear it right away, haha. 

squid on a stick anyone?? :) we love street food

lighting a flying lantern

we lit a flying lantern and it actually flew for a few minutes!....but then  kinda crashed into a tree. Pretty proud of our engineering skills, though!

The next day, we hired a driver to take us to the grasslands (pretty much the middle of nowhere...)

Joanna striking up a conversation with a local :)

our kind taxi driver is behind me (and also, this apparently was my face after I saw the communal "bathroom")

exploring the grasslands

absolutely beautiful.

our yurt! 

it was SO cold!!

the next morning,  we woke up early to watch the sunrise....but of course, it was raining. Even still, we ventured out and trekked through the fog and rain and mud to explore more of the grasslands. 

selfie with our yurt and driver :)

on our way back to Hohhot, our taxi driver stopped and filled up with gas. There was a miscommunication with the attendant and they accidentally put in too much gasoline. Our driver refused to pay more, and they refused to let us leave. They even tried to siphon the gas out. Seeing these people yelling at each other about a few dollars of gasoline was both a scary and sad experience. You could just see all of their need for Jesus so clearly in their angry faces. Pray for His presence to permeate these little Jesus-needy towns in Inner Mongolia.

we took the train to Ordos, a modern-day ghost town - these are empty apartments upon which construction has completely ceased....

explored the "night life" in Ordos and this sweet street food vendor persuaded me to try her stinky tofu :)


from Ordos, we took a black taxi to the desert. We were stopped by police and had to all get out of the car and show our passports (not sure why, but we took pictures, lol).

we made it - equipped with our silly sun hats. :)

We didn't realize that the desert was actually a tourist attraction of sorts. We had to wait in line for 2 hours just to take a cable car to the desert. 

but we finally made it! 

we didn't have that long to stay in the desert so we were unable to ride the camels (which was one of my only things on our bucket list for the trip)....

but no worries, we found a camel (trash can) to ride on anyway, haha

we took a late-night train back to Hohot & the next day, Sally and I checked out the local church we found earlier on our trip. It was completely full house! :) While there, we were able to participate in communion with them. Just loved remembering the life of our Lord with Chinese flat bread (bing) and herbal tea. :)




finally! we found yang rou chuanr! (bbq lamb kabobs)

this was next to our table - I think the lamb was pretty fresh.... :S

 this may have been one of the highlights of our trip...while chilling at Starbucks after church, this man approached us with a clipboard. On the clipboard, he had a letter in which he asked us to buy phone holders to help contribute to people with disabilities. This man was both deaf and mute. Through writing and hand motions, we talked with this man and attempted to learn more about his life. In the end, Joanna asked to pray for him. While praying, she began to cry. After she was finished praying. The man wrote down, "Why do you cry?" To which Joanna simply responded, "because Jesus loves you." Naomie stepped in and was able to use her Chinese New Testament to share Christ's love with him.

exploring a nearby park

last minute street shopping before catching our flight home :)

ready for BJ!

BJ bound :)

It was a memorable trip, for sure. :) Although we accomplished many of the items on our Inner Mongolia "bucket list," I think what I will remember the most about this trip is not necessarily what we did, but who we met.  People like Shi Shifu (our taxi driver to the grasslands), fellow travelers, restaurant owners, and street vendors. He used these unexpected encounters with these people to remind me that He is in control. He brings unexpected circumstances and divine appointments across our path. And He gives us the opportunity to share His love, life, and truth with them.

It was a great blessing to have Naomie travel with us. Naomie seriously has been blessed with boldness to share Him with others. Throughout the trip, I would find Naomie talking with those around us about Him. From taxi drivers to fellow travelers, Naomie was able to share what He's done in her life with others. Personally, I was challenged by her boldness (and jealous of her native Chinese tongue!).
One evening, after Naomie had shared the gospel with a lady on the train, I asked Naomie, "How do you know God wants you to share with somebody?" I just loved her simple response. "I don't always know or feel led to. But why not? They ask about my life, and God is a part of my life, so I share about Him." Love it. I want my life to be like that....just overflowing with love for Him that I can't help but interjecting Him into all my conversations.

I wish I could share more about specific examples of how He provided for us and protected us throughout our time in Inner Mongolia, but I'm afraid this post is getting long enough. :) Suffice it to say, He is good. He is love. He is in control. And these three characteristics were just proven again and again to me throughout our time traveling on our trip. :)

thanks for your continued prayers, friends!