look at ME!

"Nick!" My voice rang out in the classroom.

Nick’s eyes remained down on his paper.

“Nick!” I spoke a little louder to get his attention.

No response.

“Nick, Time to line up!”

“Nick! Nick!”

Again, no response.

I tried not to get angry. I tried to exercise patience. Perhaps he didn’t hear me. Perhaps he doesn’t remember his english name.

Or perhaps he’s ignoring me.

“NICK!”

By this time, half of my students waiting in line attempted to get his attention, too.

“Nick! Teacher Rebecca jiao ni!” They whispered in Chinese.

Still, no response. His head remained down on his work.

Finally, in exasperation, I walked over to his desk.

“Nick,” I said more gently this time. “Teacher Rebecca is talking to you.”

And still, no response.

“Zhang Zi Han!” Jackie called out his name in Chinese.

Immediately, Nick’s head lifted and his eyes met Teacher Jackie’s.

I both laughed and groaned at the same time. Apparently this kiddo did NOT recognize his english name. Gently, I took my hands and turned Nick’s head to face mine.

“Nick,” I sighed, “What is your name?”

His cute glasses reflected the “deer-in-the-headlights” look. He obviously didn’t understand me.

Again, I asked, “What is your name?”

I could see the wheels begin to turn in his brain.

“Nick.” He face reddened with slight embarrassment and his cheeky grin slowly spread across his face. “My name is Nick.”

Finally.
I inwardly groaned and let out an exasperated sigh. My voice went into teacher-mode as I once again repeated a phrase that has become almost automatic with every conversation I have with Nick. “Nick, when Teacher Rebecca says your name, what do you do?”

Blank stare.

I continued, “Nick stops, looks, and listens to Teacher Rebecca. Okay?”

“Okay!” He nodded, but I knew he still didn’t get it.

I wish I could say that Nick is the only student in my class this year who has trouble recognizing his English name….but that would be a lie. In fact, it has become so troublesome that I’ve actually had to teach my students on more than one occasion how to respond when a teacher calls your name (Stop. Look at the Teacher. Say “Yes?”). We even practiced (multiple times). And still, I feel like certain names have been on a perpetual repeat in my classroom.

“Nick!” “Tank!” “Sissi!” “John!”

No answer.

Yet, all it takes is Teacher Jackie to merely whisper their Chinese names and their heads quickly turn to hers.

Its astounding really.

As my patience has been stretching thin lately, I just want to yell at them (even if they wouldn’t understand me), “Look at ME! What is your NAME?!”

I want my students to respond to their name. I want them to know who they are. I want Nick to know he is Nick. I want him to turn to me when I call to him.

As I’ve been thinking about this lately (and possibly complaining about it to my co-teachers), I just felt the Lord convict me. Perhaps that is what He is doing to me. He is calling me by name and wants me to know my identity in Him. He wants me to look to Him and respond when He calls.

So He calls. He gently whispers. And perhaps even yells.

And most of time, I’m afraid I’m oblivious.

I want to know who I am in Christ. I want to be secure in my new identity in Him. I want to answer Him when He calls. When He calls my name, I want my eyes to turn swiftly to Him and to respond, “Yes?”

“Speak, O Lord for your servant is listening.” 1 Sam. 3:10

....And speaking of calling, tonight my parents took my roommates out for Beijing duck. During dinner, my Dad discussed with my roommates about how parents don’t always look at their child’s calling and gifting, but put their own expectation/calling upon them. As teachers, his words resonated with us and what we've seen in our interactions with our student's parents. Anyway, as he was sharing, it was just once again confirmed in my heart that, yes. I am doing what the Lord has called and gifted me to do. Teaching and working with these young children and Chinese people. This is what I’m meant to do. Maybe not for forever - but for right now. I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. So thankful for that.