embracing "here"

pre-ride selfie - if we only knew what our journey would hold, haha

I'm on the train from Ordos to Hohot Inner Mongolia, and I'm exhausted. We've been traveling in Inner Mongolia for the past four days - three of which have been with limited running water and internet service. 

Its late, and three hours remain in our train journey. To be honest, I was ready to arrive in Hohhot before we even began our journey one hour ago. 

Miserable - that word successfully describes the journey thus far.

I guess I wan't the only one who felt like this, haha

The train is packed and filling more with each successive stop. I want to drone out all the noise of screaming children and chattering of Chinese that surrounds me. I want to ignore the stares and whispers of "wai guo ren" (foreigner) that seem to never cease. I want to trade the weird and pungent smells that permeate the stuffy train car with FRESH air. 

So, I plug in my earphones and turn on the tunes. I try to drone out the screaming and yelling of the soliciting salesperson who unfortunately decided to grace our train car with his presence. I close my eyes to ignore the stares of all those around me. Like a little child covering his eyes during a game of hide and seek, I reason, maybe if I can't see them, they won't be able to see me. I pull up my scarf over my nose and hold my breath to avoid the smells of smoke, body odor, instant noodles, and tofu snacks.

Truly, I love China. But on this particular train ride, I just want to escape it for a little bit. I think of my family celebrating my nephew's 1st birthday together and of my boyfriend and of my friends in America. How I'd love to be with them all right now....with them there in America and not here in China on this crazy train.  

But then, His voice whispers....I've placed you here.

This is your area of influence, He whispers to my heart. Right here. Right now. On this train. 

Embrace it. He both lovingly and firmly commands.

Conviction hits me. He has placed me here for this season. Here, in China. Not there, in America. This loud, noisy and sometimes smelly culture I'm a part of is His country that He loves. The people that surround me are HIS creation. 

In repentance, I slowly open my eyes. Yes, they are still staring. The little girl behind my seat once again peeks her head around my chair to look at the foreigner. The man across from me still glances in my direction with evident curiosity. I look into their eyes and ask Him to help me see them like He does - with compassion and not frustration.

I take out my earbuds. The children are still screaming. I laugh and think how I might want to scream, too. The salesperson comes over to me and pokes fun of me on his handheld speaker in Chinese. I inwardly groan, smile a "God is using this to sanctify me" smile, and try to politely refuse the silly hair towels he's selling. 

I pull down my scarf and the smells still remain - growing more pungent with each town we pass. But I choose to  breathe it in deep because He has placed me here.

Yes, living here is no fairytale. It is real and smelly and uncomfortable at times. But it is where He has placed me right now. And knowing that, I will CHOOSE to embrace this sometimes uncomfortable and crazy china life He's given me. 

"But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us....our hope is that as your faith increases, our area of influence among you may be greatly enlarged so that we may preach the gospel in lands beyond you...." 

~2 Corinthians 10:13, 15-16